Oh the rise of the VILLAIN ERA!
“I am setting boundaries. I stopped people-pleasing. I am saying no. I am fulfilled on my own. I need no man. I LOVE MYSELF.”
Setting boundaries feels like the most important thing right now. Even the look of a NO written down or flashing through your mind — feels empowering and strong.
I won’t lie, I had this mindset for quiet a long time. It started long before the term VILLAIN ERA exploded on the internet. No matter the timeline- it did feel great. I had a strong opinion of who I am and all the right ideas of what I want and need. My strongest belief was that I needed no man, no connections, no help. I could do it all on my own. And for a long time, that belief fueled me. Until one day, I started wondering:
What if — all these right things are wrong? What if — this mindset is actually slowing me down? What if — I AM wrong?
Maybe not all YESes mean self-sacrifice and not all NOs are empowering?
At first, saying NO feels like the ultimate power move. It gives you strength, self-respect, and an overwhelming sense of freedom. The emotional high of finally prioritizing yourself — it’s intoxicating. It breaks the chains of people-pleasing like nothing else can.
NO — I’m not attending this event.
NO — I won’t see you today.
NO — I’m staying home instead.
NO — I’m traveling alone.
NO — I don’t like this.
NO — I don’t like that.
NO — I don’t WANT that.
It’s liberating.
For months- maybe even a year- this phase is necessary. After years of neglecting yourself for the sake of others, you need this time. You need to rest, reflect, rediscover who YOU are, deepen the concept of what YOU want your life to be.
But where to draw the line?
At what point boundaries become emotional walls and self-protection becomes avoidance rather than empowerment?
The hard truth: avoidance is not growth
The deeper I fell into this rabbit hole, the more I started to question it. I couldn’t help but wonder- maybe the idea of what I WANT and who I am was clouding my judgment of what I actually NEED?
And what I needed to truly grow… wasn’t another no.
It became clear that some of my NOs were no longer aligned with my goals. In fact, those same NOs were now blocking opportunities that could help me move forward. Sure, I had pushed away the things that drained me. But in the process, I had also pushed away connections worth deepening and experiences worth having. All my possible growth was clouded by avoidance, which disguised itself as empowerment. And I had bought into the illusion.
Bit by bit my NOs started to become YESes.
After some more time picking my brain I started questioning my first initial thoughts and answers. Am I saying no out of fear? Exhaustion? Or actual self-respect? The last two where eligible to NO, yet the first one demanded more insight. Am I setting a intuitive boundary or am I avoiding discomfort. Which one is it? Does my intuition say- this will be something else than advertised, or am I just NOT IN THE MOOD to execute something, no matter if it’s meeting new people or a new uncomfortable task where I might lack knowledge or skill — Am I afraid to take it on and by doing so I become my own foe?
That’s when I realized:
Saying YES can be just as powerful as saying NO — if it’s said for the right reasons.
Balance Is the Real Power
The villain era has its place. It teaches you to set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and break free from toxic cycles. But true power doesn’t come from saying NO to everything. It comes from knowing when to say YES to the things that truly matter.
Not every YES is self-sacrifice.
Not every NO is empowerment.
The real magic lies in your insight — the ability to make conscious, intentional choices rather than reacting from a place of fear or past pain.
And that’s when you step into your true power. One might say- you don’t enter your VILLAIN ERA just by saying no to everything. You become the villain when you start choosing with power and purpose.